Your lies are sour (like unsavory wine)
by Shieru-chan
Summary: AU. Working at a bar had its own pros and cons. Pros? The atmosphere, the people and the entertainment. Cons? Stalkers. Most definitely stalkers. The moment Komaeda takes him home; Hinata knows that he's fucked—in more ways than one. In which Komaeda manipulates people as if he was born to do just that and Hinata drinks it all in like the red wine that the white haired man enjoys.


AN: Intended this to be a PVP and look where we are now. Sorry guys for not updating, I had a severe case of writer's block. Currently very into Ding Dang Rope or SDR2 is more accurate. I decided that there is a severe lack of smut fics for Komahina so I am here to remedy the situation. I still hope we will get an anime, won't rest until i get all of DIS BEAR. Inspired by a song My Toxic Valentine by All Time Low!

Name: Your lies are sour (like unsavory wine)

Pairing: Komaeda Nagito/Hinata Hajime (main) Hinata Hajime/Nanami Chiaki, Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko and mentions of others

Rating: M

Warnings: creeps, mental illness, sexual content and very unhealthy relationships

Summary: Working at a bar had its own pros and cons. Pros? The atmosphere, the people and the entertainment. Cons? Stalkers. Most definitely stalkers. The moment Komaeda takes him home; Hinata knows that he's fucked—in more ways than one.

In which Komaeda manipulates people as if he was born to do just that and Hinata drinks it all in like the red wine that the white haired man enjoys. No answers are found at the very bottom of a glass. AU

* * *

You couldn't say that Hinata Hajime loved his work all that much, but the man didn't think it was bad. It was quite decent and serving drinks was a talent that he had discovered a very long time ago. The Hope's – what a silly and deceiving name – bar was a well known place with a nasty reputation to uphold. It was a place the shadiest of people visited and those people provided immense entertainment for the young bartender. The drunken fights – which he hated the most- the stupid shit that happened left Hinata an impression that maybe he wasn't so great at making his life choices.

Then again he had always been more of a late night bird.

Working night shifts soon proved to be not as tiring as he would have initially thought and his co-workers were quick to befriend him. The person in charge was an asshole, but he was kind enough, that is, when he wanted to be. All in all Hinata at least enjoyed working at the run down place, wasting booze on the all too wiling customers and getting to know people. Some of them were quite decent too and Hinata would be lying if he said that he didn't befriend some of them. And the others… well he would rather not think about that.

Weird people with a bunch of problems hanging above their heads, perverts, all too willing to court the reluctant bartender, stoners and/or alcoholics. People who were searching for answers at the very bottom of their glasses, only to find none. People that just screamed trouble.

One night Hinata catches a certain stare sent by a certain man who fit the 'troublesome people' description all too well and this is where the things start going downhill.

He doesn't know what catches his eye exactly. Maybe it is the mane of white grayish hair, looking a bit red in the dim lighting of the bar, unkempt like their owner had given up on trying taming it, stray strands sticking in random directions. Maybe it is the green eyes staring at him, half covered by the gray mass, watching him intently. There's just something about that look that makes electrifying shivers run up and down his spine and his palms dampen just a little.

The first time the stranger appears on a busy Saturday night, he sits at the far end of the bar and doesn't really pay Hinata any attention, nor does he look like he really pays any to his surroundings at all. He looks like he hadn't slept for days to no end, judging by the black bags beneath his eyes. Either sleepless or stoned, Hinata thinks, because it wasn't an unusual sight in this part of the town. The white haired man just nods off at the bar, gaze point blank and unseeing and Hinata feels an urge to be the one to serve the man that night, his curiosity piqued. Swiftly he waves his co-worker Souda away and smacks the cherry wood bar top to catch the man's attention. He doesn't succeed at first so he has to repeat the motion a few more times, and snap his fingers in front of the man's face, to snap him out of … whatever kind of trance that he was in.

"Can I get you something or are you just going to sleep here and occupy space?" Hinata asks, the usual sarcasm back in his voice. Being irritated with a customer was a bad bad thing to do; he had learned it the hard way, so unless it was really necessary for him to sound like an asshole - usually when drunken customers refused to get the hell out after the closing hours - he kept his tone in line.

The man blinks and looks around as if he doesn't know where he is and just when Hinata contemplates if the man is really actually stoned, his eyes glossed over and his face far too pale to look healthy, the man looks him dead in the eye and something weird happens. Those murky green eyes brighten up a little and stare at Hinata as if he's the only single person in this world who is worth any kind of attention, the white haired man's weird shivering stops, and Hinata sucks in a sharp breath when the stranger speaks, his voice sinfully attractive.

He asks for a simple shot of vodka, purrs something suggestive, but Hinata ignores it and takes the bottle, filling a shot and pushing it towards the man, not spilling a single drop. The stranger just mutters a word of thanks and Hinata swears he wasn't watching the way those pale slim fingers wrapped around the small glass, swears he wasn't watching the way the man swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing up as the bitter liquid travels down his throat. He coughs and makes a face like it is the single most disgusting thing he's ever tasted and starts shaking again.

Hinata watches him choke on air and smothers down the urge to give the man a glass of water. He asked for it, had he not? Maybe he was a minor or something? Then again asking for some identification would be a bit weird since, after closer inspection, he sees that the white haired man looks like he's twenty two at least... Definitely not a minor and certainly of drinking age.

After a small inner battle with himself he asks:

"Is there anything else I can get you?" Hinata absolutely refuses to ask the man why he asked for vodka when he almost gagged at the taste of it.

Again, the newborn-puppy-left-in-the-rain quivering stops and the stranger leans in, holding his weight up on his thin elbows. Hinata smells the vodka shot on in his breath as the warmth fans over his face.

"You could tell me your name." the man smiles and Hinata thinks that no, not only are people not allowed to have sinfully attractive voices, they are also not allowed to smile, well, smirk like that. However, he ignores the blatant approach, slants his eyebrows down into a frown and backs away slightly so that he can look into those eyes properly. They shine, expecting an answer and for some reason Hinata feels slightly cornered.

"How about no." he finishes the flimsy conversation, politeness gone in an instant and plans to back out, but for some reason his body won't obey and his eyes are glued to the man's.

"There's no need to act like that." The stranger says, voice not one bit disheartened by the cold answer, but his eyes betray hurt in them. "Just a name. It is all I ask for."

Hinata still stands his ground, mouth shut closed, not really trusting this guy and his sexual bedroom voice. For all he knew this guy could really be some back alley druggie and he'd rather not associate himself with people like that. The guy was hot, but not that hot plus shady, therefore not worth an answer. He keeps looking, attention unwavering as if he is reading all of Hinata's thoughts which make the bartender really uncomfortable and after the silence stretches, he uses a different approach.

"I'm Komaeda. Komaeda Nagito." The man introduces himself and gives Hinata and encouraging smile, an unspoken 'it is only fair that now you tell me your name' hanging in the air.

Hinata stays quiet. At least now he knows the name. Calling someone stranger in your mind for a longer period of time is incredibly stupid. He refuses the urge to say that he really couldn't care less about his name, but he actually does and he's a bad liar so he stops himself in time. Komaeda refuses to look away, obviously expecting an answer and Hinata sighs.

"Alright." He squeezes out and peels his stare away from Komaeda's green eyes, willing himself to go away and serve another customer, a man in his late thirties, tattoos inked on his face, fingers tapping the bar top impatiently. He cannot waste all of his time with just one customer and Kuzuryuu was giving him pointed looks from his end of the bar. He spares one last quick look at Komaeda only to find the man seemingly upset with the way the situation unfolded and before Hinata could really think about it he heard his own name escape his lips.

"It's Hinata. That's all you're going to get from me."

He doesn't need to look over his shoulder to know that the man is smiling.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Hinata-kun."

The bartender doesn't really tell him to drop the '-kun' that Komaeda so naturally sticks to the back of his name. While he usually doesn't let people who aren't that close to him to use any endearments, Hinata secretly wallows in the way his name rolls from the tip of Komaeda's tongue like it is something sweet and carries on with his job.

He can feels those hazy eyes on him for another hour or so before the man gets up, pays Souda for his shot and leaves.

* * *

It has become a routine for Komaeda to show up every night Hinata works his shifts. Right before the bar opens, he wipes at the bar top when Kuzuryuu approaches him. They talk briefly about everything and nothing, mostly bar and customer related, and Hinata knows that something is up, because the shorter man avoids people like fire and never speaks unless it is absolutely needed in other words when all of his workers need a good scolding. Needless to say Kuzuryuu asks him about Komaeda.

"What's the deal with you and _that guy_?" he doesn't really ask, it is said like a statement.

"Which guy?" Hinata pretends he doesn't know that his co-worker is asking about his newest number one loyal customer and refuses to meet the blond man's gaze, pointedly looking at the torn rag, scrubbing invisible piece of dirt on the scratched bar top.

He wishes Kuzuryuu was sometimes as indifferent as he is explosive and harsh.

"C'mon don't play fucking dumb with me; I know that you know who I am talking about. That white haired guy. The way he drools all over the bar is kind of really fucking disgusting and don't get me started about the moments you bend over. Deal with that fucker; I think he's scaring the lady customers away."

Hinata stops scrubbing the invisible nonexistent dirt and presses his lips together into a thin line before some cynical statement that they don't really have lady customers slips from him mouth. Not only Komaeda was not his fucking problem, Kuzuryuu just had to go on and bring it on the table when he was trying his best to ignore the white haired man. It is not like they could really kick Komaeda out; he wasn't doing anything wrong besides staring and making Hinata self-conscious as fuck.

"Look, he's not really doing anything wrong besides…. Being creepy. And when I say creepy, I mean the kind of creepy that you wouldn't wanna meet in a dark alley. Just let it go and if he bothers you that much you go and deal with him yourself, I got nothing to do with that guy. He comes here every day."

Kuzuryuu just sucks in a lungful of air and gapes like a fish, trying to form sentences. Hinata thinks that the man is choking on his ill managed anger and he is most likely to burst any moment, but much to Hinata's surprise the shorter man let's out something between an incredulous laugh and well… rage probably. "You mean you didn't know?"

"Know what?" If he doesn't know something that Kuzuryuu does then it cannot be good.

"He's only here when you're working your shifts. With you gone, that guy is nowhere to be found. Souda and I hadn't seen a whisk of his stupid face here and Mioda swore that she never saw anyone with a pale-ass complexion in her whole bartending life. "

Now that was something new to the brown haired man and he was _certain_ that it wasn't anything good. Was Komaeda truly, like Kuzuryuu had implied, stalking him? Now that was highly disconcerting.

"How… How does he know which shifts I work here? Where the hell did he find out?" Hinata asked, more like spoke to himself rather than the blond. The short man just ran his palm over his hair and thought about it.

"Beats me. No fucking clue. Either way, Hinata Hajime has a stalker, I'd be impressed if the whole situation wasn't on dangerous levels of fucked up and downright creepy."

Hinata was about to tell the man to shut up, either that or agree with him completely, when Ibuki stormed to the bar, almost smacking the short blond with her wet broom.

"It broke all the dangerous levels of creepy already and shot all the way into the mooooon! Over the moon! Into the Maaaars!" she flailed around, did a couple rounds of air guitar, Kuzuryuu cursing excessively in the background, but then she turned unusually serious. "This is so hecked up, how about I take your shift? Take a break, get a life or a girlfriend, show him that you're not interested. It will work out like a piece of strawberry cheesecake.~"

Hinata refused to acknowledge the last sentence to escape the eccentric girl and considered it for a moment. Should he really abandon his work for at least a week and then come back to find that Komaeda Nagito was no longer waiting at his usual spot, leering at him over the rim of a red wine glass. No more Komaeda trying to distract him away from his work while Hinata tried to concentrate and not cut his own finger off while he sliced the lime. No more Komaeda trying, unsuccessfully and not so subtly, to get into his pants.

No more stalker Komaeda Nagito that he had started liking in some sick and twisted way.

"Nah. It's fine. I am going to keep on working; no one is going to do this for me. I need the cash."

"But it is just for a f-few days until the one-man weirdo exhibition moves on. I can cover for you, Hajime—"

"It's fine. Really. There's no need to do that, I can deal with that guy."

Ibuki looked like she was about to argue, Kuzuryuu mumbled something about 'masochism' and Hinata was sure that he had fucked this up and he should have taken up Ibuki's offer. He should've gotten rid of Komaeda before it was too late, feigned sick, skipped work, had someone bluff that he had quit.

But apparently he just wasn't thinking at the moment.

* * *

Komaeda was strange in all of the wrong ways. That thought was imprinted in the back of his head ever since he first saw the man shaking and pale at the bar. There was something… off about him. It wasn't drug related, his co-workers had drawn out that conclusion after they analyzed the man, an expertise that would make any scientist jealous, yet there was something that made the white haired man stand out.

He wasn't all that different, he even looked charming and friendly, but the type of friendly that would punch you in the face only to smile afterwards as if he did nothing wrong or didn't really understand what he had done. It unnerved Hinata, this whole creeper vibe he got from Komaeda, and he soon realized that he wasn't the only one who had shared the sentiments. He heard Kuzuryuu whisper under his breath something along the lines of 'fucking creeps' whenever he noticed the white haired man and glared at him whenever he got the chance, anger and irritation obvious on his face. Ibuki was uncomfortable and sometimes looked like she would rather be somewhere else. Souda looked downright terrified whenever one of the bartenders, usually Hinata, pushed him to serve the customer.

Komaeda, frankly, did not give a fuck, or so it seemed. If he did, then the guy was an amazing actor and did a splendid job at covering it up, Hinata could give him that much. Not everyone would be able to hold out for a long while in a bar where everyone downright disliked them. He just kept his eyes focused on Hinata's back, watched the man's muscles and spine move beneath a tight, black work shirt whenever he poured drinks.

A month went by in a heartbeat and with every single day Hinata was becoming more and more aware of the other's presence, more aware of the looks that his co-workers had sworn they had seen being sent Hinata's way, and while the brown haired bartender was really uncomfortable he was also feelings less anxious too. Komaeda's presence was something he was beginning to tolerate and sometimes he even let his guard down long enough to relax while the other bartenders just did their work, backs tense.

Despite the fact that Hinata had not taken Ibuki's advice to get his shifts changed, he did, in fact got himself a girlfriend. Somewhat. Not really.

It's not like you could call a friendship since high school and a relationship that lasted no longer than a few weeks a true lovey dovey relationship. He had known Chiaki for a long while, long enough for him to randomly ask her out. Not really sure what he was doing, Hinata just popped the question and she had said yes. Hinata's dating record wasn't the best one out there so he barely did anything with the pink haired girl, maybe took her by the hand a few times and kissed her a little. Not the true type of kiss though, just a small peck of lips. He didn't really know how that stuff worked, never really tried it out before, even though it was a bit shameful for a twenty-four year old to admit. Hinata liked to think that he didn't really have the time to do stuff like that.

Their dates were more like the two of them hanging out like usual minus the hand holding and stuff. Video games, arcades, coffee shops, the usual stuff. While she had truly enjoyed herself, Hinata could tell by the slight changes in her dazed expression, Hinata himself just…. Wasn't feeling it. It felt weird, a bit awkward and just plain wrong. So he had politely said that it wasn't going to work out and that they should just keep being friends.

Naturally, the whole friendship option was a bit ruined by his declaration. She was giving him a bit of a cold shoulder and Hinata…. He cared. He really did, because Nanami was his best friend since their junior year of high school and he felt incredibly stupid for asking her to date him, without taking the pink haired girl's feelings into consideration.

He works messily that night, the alcohol splashes, Kuzuryuu explodes two times and tells him to stop wasting the booze, Souda makes fun of him in a bro kind of way that his relationship didn't work out and makes Hinata feel even worse when he mentions that Nanami has been spending time at Sonia's place and she seems really down and sleepier than usual.

That last retort fills Hinata's thoughts to the brim and he decides that tonight is the night he's gonna get wasted.

It's not really his fault, he thinks, even thought it is all his. Girls are stupid, girls are a mystery and girls aren't worth anything. He growls, pushes a glass of whiskey towards some client, ignores Komaeda, pushes shaved ice into a cocktail glass, ignores Komaeda, shakes a margarita, ignores Komaeda some more, gets into an argument with Kuzuryuu, acts like a cynical asshole and lets – forces Ibuki to take the rest of his shift. It's not much really, it is already 1 am but the business is full swing so she complains and he starts bitching in a way that only he can.

Hinata asks Souda to give him the cheapest bottle of Jack Daniels', throws him a wad of cash to cover for the expenses, stabs the knife he's been handling with shaking fingers into a cutting board, drops his black apron and swims through the crowd, searching for a free table because, god no, he's not sitting with Komaeda who is looking at him with expectant eyes, anything but that. The bar is way too crowded, the noise is far too high, air smoky and Hinata would like a whip of fresh air to blow in this heated, cramped space. The bar is pretty much overflowing that night, all of the barstools occupied, and Komaeda, obviously not finding enough space in front of the rowdy bar to make himself comfortable at and stare at Hinata's ass, picks out the table close enough to the bar so he can still watch the bartender working.

Hinata feels hopeless and vaguely thinks about taking the bottle home with him and loving it tenderly until there's no more left to drink, but Komaeda smiles his best killer smile and nudges the chair before him so it slides out of the place, a silent invitation for Hinata to sit down. Hinata just thinks that he's acting like an immature child, thinks that he's done with the drama and other bullshit for the night so without much thought he gives in. He flops onto the chair and unceremoniously places the bottle on the table with an audible bang and sinks into the chair lower, looking at Komaeda through the dark glass, not wanting to see that face, ruffled white strands poking out at the sides of the bottle.

Komaeda's laugh is a sinful whisper, barely audible over the shitty music in the background and Hinata knows that he's _truly _acting like a kid and that he can't really run away from this forever so he straightens up in his chair, tries to regain some of his non existent dignity and looks at the white haired man, gazes meeting dead on.

"Would it be presumptuous of me to say that you had a really bad day?" Is all that Komaeda says, it just takes one glance at Hinata's sour expression and he knows what's up.

Hinata says nothing just uncorks the bottle with an experienced movement of his fingers and raises the bottle slightly. "Care for a drink?"

"I'm good." Komaeda whispers, eyeing the bottle distastefully and pointedly sipping at the red wine he has come to love. Hinata makes a face, wine was always disgusting to him, far too sour or bittersweet and he has no idea how Komaeda can drink that shit, but to each his own, so he takes a sip from the bottle, the burn making him relax. Not quite silence settles over them, it is a bit awkward as Hinata keeps nursing his bottle and Komaeda swishes the red liquid in his glass. They don't look at each other and the tension is getting thick.

Komaeda looks a bit uncomfortable, opens his mouth and then closes it as if he is not drunk enough to do this, or say this or whatever, Hinata doesn't really care and he hides his smirk behind the bottle. Not so brave when the object of your affections is right in front of you, eh?

"Hinata-kun, I—"

Hinata just waves a bit, his vision already unfocused. "Look, just save it. I don't wanna hear this. I just came here because you so politely invited me and the place is packed. Imma finish up here and go home. Everything is _fucked_ today; I don't really want to deal with this, so shut up and let me get drunk off my ass in peace."

Komaeda looks hurt again and Hinata wants to say something, apologize maybe for acting like a dick and he doesn't even realize it when he does just that. "Alright, 'm sorry. I had a really bad day. Whatever." He sips again, his thoughts no longer really in line.

Komaeda seems determined, and Hinata realizes that he's gonna spill all of his darkest innermost secrets to this man tonight whether he wants to or not. He's a bit shocked when he realizes that he doesn't care as much as he should. Alcohol is a satanic piece of work.

"So what happened that you are out here, trying to drown yourself in this?" the white haired man is straight to the point, no dicking around the subject, a quality that the shorter man realizes he appreciates. Hinata waves his index finger in front of his own eyes, following it with his gaze in order to focus a bit better. It doesn't work so he rubs his forehead instead. "Girls happened, that's what…"

Komaeda looks a bit dissatisfied like Hinata just said something vile but it is soon replaced by a smile that he wouldn't like at all if he didn't have a considerable amount of booze flowing in his system.

"I wouldn't be too far off if I guessed that a break up happened…?"

"Damn right. Though…though it wasn't really one? Because we weren't really dating?" Komaeda's smile just widened with every word but Hinata was too far gone to notice and kept on sipping the drink, no longer feeling the taste. "She's someone… I randomly asked out sometime ago. I dunno – don't ask why, I just did. Wasn't really think—thinking at the moment." He goes back down his memory lane, remembers everything and Nanami pisses him off _so much_ at this very moment and he's not sure why. Everything pisses him off, from his stupid co-workers to the stupid bar, to the god-awful drink to Komaeda's sexy sexy sexy …. Sexy _everything_. That guy is a sin and he should be banned.

So he spills. Komaeda plays him like a puppet on the string and some part of Hinata knows that, yet he still tells him everything. About Chiaki, about his dumb co-workers, about his fucked up life. The man knows what questions to ask without sounding suspicious, knows when to keep quiet and sigh at the right times, knows exactly when to hold Hinata's hand when the brown haired man gets too emotional.

Komaeda finds out that Hinata Hajime is twenty four. He also finds out that the bartender got kicked out by his parents when he was eighteen, flunked out of college because he could no longer pay for it, because living here was just too fucking expensive with no one to help you out. He found out that Hinata had crashed at his friends places more times than he could count until one person asked Hinata to work at the bar his family was owed and that he only recently managed to scrape up enough money to get a half decent apartment in a better part of town. He found out that Hinata had asked his best friend since high school out because he tried to avoid someone he had liked very much and his friends had advised him to not go for that person for _obvious_ reasons. Komaeda finds out that person is a guy and that Hinata no longer wants to go through the gay panic he had gone through back in sixth grade when a boy kissed him and he had enjoyed it more than he was supposed to.

"How is it bad? If you like someone, you should be honest with yourself. You need to hope that _that person_ will like you in return, Hinata-kun. I know when I say this, but a lot of the times hope saves you." Komaeda says wisely, his smile out of place. They are sharing each other's breathing space now, Hinata reeks of alcohol and his cheeks are on fire.

"It—it is not going to work out. " Hinata whispers over the bass and his eyes roam the pale face in front of him. Komaeda leans a bit closer and Hinata doesn't back away.

"How would you know that without trying it first? Someone as amazing as you should not be afraid to try things out. You could be wrong; you do know that, right?"

"I just know, okay..? It—it is not good for me. T-that person is … not the right one for me and I shouldn't…. think of y—of him that much." Hinata says and peels the bottle from those thin fingers. Somewhere along the line he had began sharing it with his companion. There's barely anything left.

"I am sure that person wouldn't reject you, Hinata-kun. In fact I think that he would be glad - more than happy - and would probably take you home with him." Komaeda's smirk is mischievous, but Hinata still doesn't get it, alcohol clouding his judgement.

"Bu-but I've never… you know. How can you even ask m-me… when I never…"his face turns vermillion and Komaeda can practically feel the heat from that tanned skin. Hinata struggles with his next sentence, so the white haired man offers him some help.

"Never had sex with a man?" Komaeda finishes for him and places his fingers on top of Hinata's, lingering far longer than it should be comfortable, takes the bottle away and sips on the remaining liquid. The brunet blushes even darker and waves his hands in front of Komaeda's face as if afraid that someone might hear them.

"Shhh—don't say that out loud! I—I… don't really know what to do. Wh-when it comes to l-love and… and stuff. I don't know what to do… I had no idea what to do for a month now, that person throws me off… he's different. The way he looks, I know that you—"Hinata doesn't even notice his slip of tongue and Komaeda grins, glad that the other finally cracked. "Only want to get into my pants and I—I am not sure what to say to him, because you on-ly like what you see."

He mumbles now, some sort of incoherent nonsense and the white haired man thinks carefully about what he should say next, the possible outcome to every little thing he might say, but then Hinata is way too close, closer than he was just a second ago and almost brushes his lips against the others. Needless to say all of Komaeda's thoughts fly out through the window in a second, when Hinata breathes against his lips and his honey hued eyes are clouded.

"I really _really_ like y-you."

Those words send a bolt down the back of Komaeda's spine as the smooth warmt brushes against his lips once again and he's _really fucking hard_ again, for what seems – he doesn't really know because he's lost count and ignored it – time since Hinata decided to join him. The last of his restrain disappears as if it never existed to begin with and he drawls out against Hinata's lips, honey coloured eyes glistening with unmasked lust in them.

"And I really _really_ want to take you back home with me right now, Hinata-kun." He groans, not bothering to cover his words to make it sound less suggestive. He can't really hold on any longer, he's been chasing the brunet for a month now, he put up with the loud atmosphere that he hates more than anything, put up with people he's not sure he wants to see anymore and now he had him, he had finally cracked through Hinata's defences, he had got the other boy to like him and it was way better than he could ever expect. The outcome was better than the best of his indecent thoughts, improper dreams and the feeling was complete by the fact that _this was real, this was actually happening_. He would get on his knees and beg if he had to. All he wanted was to just go out there, find some peaceful corner and fuck the shorter one senseless. The urge to violate, to conquer was taking the best of him.

"But I don't know how to—I…"

"It's alright, Hinata-kun, don't worry about that right now. I'll teach you, someone like you will master it in a second, just _please_." He breathes it out against the brown haired man's ear and Hinata shivers against him. "Let's get out of here."

Hinata is quiet for a moment, but then he grabs onto Komaeda's jacket and laughs dryly. "You're trash, Komaeda. Taking advantage of a guy wh—who is drunk and doesn't… know what he's getting himself into. T-This better be worth it… you better show me something I've never seen before." The man finishes and blows hot air into Komaeda's ear. It's almost enough for him to lose it completely right here right now, slam Hinata on this small table and simply ravage him in front of all of these people, but that is not an option so he grabs the other's wrist instead and drags him out of the bar with lightning speed, the wide eyes from the other side of the bar following the pair.

Through a veil of intoxication, the more sober part of Hinata manages to think that he had just signed a deal with the devil and that he is fucked—in more ways than one and that unfortunately for him there were no ways to escape what waits for him in the very near future.

* * *

Komaeda can't wait for them to get home and he's more than pleased when he finds out that his partner for the night is doing no better. It's enough for them to round one corner when Hinata seizes his wrist in a vice like grip and manhandles the taller one to the darkened alley. Before Komaeda can register those arms lock around his pale neck and he melts into the shorter one's lips. His hands roam over the thin, yet toned, form of the brown haired man and when he pushes one hand behind the black button down shirt, Hinata quivers against his lean frame and grinds their hips together. A mutual groan of pleasure escapes both of them and Hinata pulls away to breathe, all rosy lips and thin trails of saliva, but Komaeda doesn't let him, because this is it, this is what he's been waiting for and presses their lips again, licking the inside of the smaller man's man, tasting the lingering Jack Daniels' on his tongue.

He also tastes cinnamon and breathes in the scent that can only be descried as Hinata and Hinata _only_, something sweet and citrusy, something that reminds the taller man of sunny days and the breeze of ocean. Komaeda runs the tip of his tongue against the ridge of Hinata's mouth and the boy moans somewhere deep in the back of his throat. It makes the white haired man weak in his knees, and those thin fingers wrap tighter in his unruly mess of pale hair in an attempt to get even closer if it was physically possible. They are glued together chest to chest and Komaeda unwillingly makes some space so that he can at least touch the shorter one more. Hinata is reluctant to untangle himself, but then Komaeda runs his cool fingertips over the tanned chest and Hinata let's go with a sharp gasp and their hips brush together again when Komaeda without much thoughts brushes his hand to the side, finds the hardened nipple and runs the tip of his thumb over it, drinking in the reactions.

Komaeda also finds out that Hinata for all of his talk about being inexperienced is incredibly lewd and shameless.

He's not shy, not one bit as Komaeda expected him to be and it is a pleasant surprise, a pleasant change that he was wrong about his target for once. Maybe it is the alcohol talking when Hinata keeps slowly grinding against his thigh to create more friction, when Hinata gets louder by the second and doesn't hold back any sounds that escape him, when Hinata guides Komaeda's hands where he wants them to be with a firm, unwavering and steady grip. It's not until Hinata incoherently begs for his touch and guides his hand over the straining in his jeans that Komaeda somewhat snaps out of his lust induced haze and backs away slightly to look at those glazed eyes.

"Not here, Hinata-kun…" he whispers lowly and Hinata's eyes brighten in an instant and his eyebrows slant into a frown. The noises stop in a second, yet the shorter one is still breathing heavily.

"Are you seriously_ backing out_ now?" he asks angrily, voice lucid. "After all o-of that trouble and all of those promises you're seriously backing out—"

"No." Komaeda interrupts firmly and places his lips against the others. "No, how could you even think that? There's—"he kisses the boy's cheek. "no way that I would stop, unless you want me to. It's only understandable that you would think that someone as unworthy as me is not fit to be your first, Hinata-kun and I absolutely cannot blame you! But I am not lying to you, Hinata-kun!" Komaeda turns frantic and Hinata watches his pupils dilate and the taller one starts shivering. He holds Hinata's face with his hands and keeps kissing where he can reach and Hinata has to push that pale face away so that he can speak more clearly.

"Then what is this about?" he asks, voice suspicious. Hinata feels his head a little clearer but he absolutely refuses to back out of this, it is as if he wants this as much as Komaeda with or without any alcohol in his

"I don't want your first time to be in a d-dirty place like this, you only deserve the best there is! I won't let you feel disappointment. I'll make it good I promise, I'll do anything you ask me to, just say a word and I'll do it even the most degrading of things." The rushed kissing is back again and even as drunk as he may be Hinata feels rather uneasy by this sudden change in the taller one's behaviour. Without much thought he seizes the cool, weirdly so, damp face in his hands and pulls the frantic man in for a kiss and keeps him there, eyes closed. The tension goes away from the man's thin frame like poison being sucked out, the hyperventilation stops and Komaeda relaxes. When Hinata pulls away the man looks normal enough and his muddy green eyes no longer look… insane.

They hold each other for a moment, gazes' roaming each other's face until Komaeda's breathing regulates completely and Hinata feels his chest warm with something that can't be lust no matter how he puts it. It's something warm, bittersweet and surprisingly painful. It doesn't make him feel light, doesn't make him feel like flying away as if he's some sort of helium balloon, instead it weights him down to the ground like a heavy metal weight was tied to his ankles. The mood is ruined, he can tell that much, but his need, his lust are still insistent and they refuse to go away until they are satisfied.

Komaeda's fingers brush against his cheek lightly, almost lovingly and the look in his eyes is the one of pure adoration when he whispers. "This is not what I meant… let's go to my place, Hinata-kun, where I can treat you properly. I meant what I said; this place is not suited for someone like you."

Hinata eyes him warily as if there is some sort of ulterior motive, looks into Komaeda's eyes intently but sees nothing there, no malice, no scheming looks that the man wears on his face like the comfortable liar he is. He refuses the urge to ask the taller one what does he want exactly, why is it all about Hinata and not him, but he cannot bring himself to do it because he knows that Komaeda won't give him an answer.

Hinata agrees, because the coldness of the bricks is freezing his back off and the ridges of the uneven surface hurt his spine every time he moves against Komaeda. Plus this is only a one night thing, his first night with someone of the same sex, so he thinks that it is better if the conditions are the best. He doesn't know what waits for him, but Komaeda sounds so honest he has no choice but to agree.

To seal the deal Komaeda kisses him again in a heated way as if to get the mood up and it works wonders, the previous haze is back in both of them and the weirdness of the white haired man's behaviour is soon pushed into the back of their minds and forgotten completely.

* * *

When they all but run - as uncomfortable as it is with an erection straining against your jeans - to Komaeda's car, Hinata takes a moment to appreciate it. He doesn't know all that much about them, but he's sure that if Souda saw it he would be all over the sleek black surface as if it was a music video. Hinata quickly pushes that disturbing thought out of his mind and settles inside the front seat.

The inside is even fancier than the outside, all creamy leather and a lingering smell of pine, but Komaeda looks indifferent. He doesn't brag, starts the engine and Hinata gets slightly drowsy when they start moving. He's always had a thing about falling asleep in any moving vehicles when it was dark, but he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and thinks about where he's going and what he's about to do. He places his palm on Komaeda's leg just because he can and traces his inner thigh, avoiding the obvious strain in the taller one's pants that mirrored his own. Komaeda grips the steering wheel in a deathly vice-like grip until his knuckles shine white in the dim orange lights of the city, gaze focused on the road, avoiding looking at the tease beside him. Hinata thinks about what will happen in just a few minutes, licks his chapped lips and let's his palm rest on the obvious line of the white haired man's length. Komaeda tenses even more and slaps Hinata's hands away and when he speaks his voice quivers with such raw need that it sends another trail of excitement rushing down Hinata's spine, certain happiness that he is wanted, needed.

"Hinata-kun if you don't stop that now we are going to crash and I don't think that I can keep focused if you—"

"Do what?" Hinata teases, because, once again, _he can_ and brings his hand back where it was, rubbing firmly. The taller one lets out a muffed moan and tries to shake Hinata's hand away, but the brunet just slaps the pale thin wrist in return and keeps working his hand.

Komaeda doesn't argue this time and Hinata entertains himself for the rest of the ride watching Komaeda try so hard to stay focused. The way he bites his lip is endearing and the way his back arches slightly every time Hinata palms him in just the right way boosts Hinata's pride. When they arrive to the better part of the town and Komaeda stops in front of a fancy looking apartment complex Hinata only manages to think that Komaeda really is bathing in money before all of his thoughts are shut down when Komaeda makes a leap towards him and those bruised lips are on his.

He doesn't know how they get to the taller one's place all he manages to register through a hazy mind and a flurry of hands and lips, touching, biting, groaning is that this is most likely a penthouse and that the view from the windows that reach almost all the way to the floor is amazing when his back hits a leather couch and Komaeda is on top of him. They are glued together like one entity ready to merge and the white haired man mutters some quick half-assed apologies that he can't be bothered to reach the bedroom and that he needs this _right here right now_ and Hinata just tells him to shut up and kisses him again.

Clothes fly left and right and Hinata just doesn't care when their hips grind together. Komaeda is lean as a rail, the only thing that keeps him from looking breakable is his broad shoulder line and Hinata loves it, he absolutely does. He scratches that back, wanting to leave as much marks as he can, as he gets infected by Komaeda's possessiveness. The taller one bruises Hinata, bites his neck time and time again, sucks on the tan skin, and leaves marks. The hickeys are going to be a pain to hide, but neither of them cares.

He dips his tongue into the shorter one's navel, enjoying the breathy sounds, drinking them in. Komaeda racks his blunt nails into Hinata's hips as he goes lower and thinks that this is all his, all of Hinata belongs to him. It is a territory no one had threaded before and he runs his tongue over the shorter man's length despite the weak protests and trashing about. Komaeda doesn't listen, cannot be bothered to listen and is quick to take him in his mouth ready to please and gives a particularly strong suck. Those fingers wind tightly in his hair and it fucking hurts because Hinata is _strong_, stronger than he looks anyways, and it sends a shiver of excitement down Komaeda's spine, because this pain is a good kind of pain, it signals him that he's doing great. He keeps those thin hips in place, carefully curls his tongue, hollows out his cheeks for good measure, stimulates and it is not long before Hinata is pushing him away weakly, muttering something along the lines of 'no' and 'don't'. The taller one just slaps those weak weak hands away and let's Hinata release in his mouth, not spilling a drop.

It's gross, Komaeda vaguely thinks, his taste buds are offended because he _never _swallows, but it is something of Hinata's and whatever Hinata was willing to give him, he will take it without any complaints. He brushes a stray drip of pearly saliva escaping his mouth and doesn't give the other one a chance to catch his breath. The man's moans are music to his ears and his walls are warm and tight around his fingers when he moves them experimentally and he watches those honey coloured irises hidden by a thick fan of dark eyelashes. The way Hinata writhes beneath him makes his entire fantasies pale in comparison to the real view. Komaeda loves the fact that he is doing this, he's is the one bringing the boy this pleasure, this pain, just as it is supposed to be and he shoosh'es him gently when Hinata's heel digs slightly into his thigh and the smaller one asks Komaeda to take the digits away because _it fucking hurts_. Komaeda is too far gone to keep his promises and stop. He just keeps going until it gets better - more than better - and the boy stills beneath him, whimpers when the fingers are gone.

The taller one hesitates, but Hinata just locks his ankles around his back and squeezes them in reassurance that this is okay and that he is giving permission. Hinata's eyes shoot open when Komaeda none too gently buries himself deep within and sighs in content. His eyes look insane again and Hinata shivers not from pleasure or pain but from the slight fear. He has already forgotten how uneasy those icy cold stares make him. He studies the man's face through the sheen of tears gathered on his eyelashes.

Komaeda looks like he has found heaven on earth and he's wallowing in the glow of it, his body shakes and his smile is a tad bit of creepy. The man closes his eyes and focuses on the feeling, revelling in the heat around him. It sucks him in deeper and Hinata winces and the last bits of restrain shatters around him. He moves and he doesn't care if the smaller one hurts; an animal like desire, a sense of accomplishment floods him. A part of him hurts, but he shoves it deep down and locks it away for a few minutes, but it breaks free. Komaeda sheaths himself as deep as he can and lines their foreheads together and Hinata has to close his eyes to get away from that stare that makes his guts freeze like he's being submerged in a bath full of ice cubes.

As long as he doesn't have to look into Komaeda's eyes, _this_ Komaeda's eyes, he's fine. He doesn't need to do it. Fear is soon dwindled away by the lust and the need to just fucking get off already and get this over with and while Hinata fixes himself on the technical side trying oh-so-much to just _feel_. Komaeda moves fast and deep and Hinata daren't look, he just listens to the quiet laughter and occasional 'this is amazing; _this is what expected from you, Hinata-kun_'. It is not until it turns quiet, too damn quiet, that Hinata risks a glance and Komaeda slows down into a painfully slow trust, loving and tender, and presses their lips together. So many emotions flood the brown haired boy that it is overwhelming and he relaxes again. They settle into a calm tempo, they cling to each other for dear life, they connect, and the night is ending far too soon than either one of them would like.

The release leaves both of them breathless and right before Hinata blacks out to the morning light he feels Komaeda brush his damp hair away and whisper something he does not hear, something loving and sweet that makes him feel warm and safe.

It is the most perfect night Hinata Hajime had in a very long time.

* * *

The next morning he wakes up to the sensation of cold brushing against his spine. Hinata's head feels like someone had taken a hammer and cracked his skull open a few times in a row. He doesn't risk moving around too much because the contents inside of his stomach are swishing dangerously and he feels something fluffy and white tickling his nose and certain dampness on his shoulder. He shields his eyes from the sun – god, why did this room have to be so fucking bright - and squints at the form of no one other than Komaeda Nagito wrapped around him like a vine.

The man snores silently and drools all over his front, acting like a mini radiator for the smaller man. Hinata studies that face and unwillingly admits that the man is absolutely adorable when he's asleep, cheeks tinted pink and light reflecting on those pale eyelashes. Hinata moves his shoulder a little to rouse the man but he just yawns, clings to him tighter and doesn't look like he's about to let go. After a few more tries Hinata settles for elbowing the man into consciousness and he watches those green eyes open and he would laugh at the way Komaeda blinks one eye then another, hair sticking in random directions if the situation wasn't so goddamned serious. He looks at Hinata as if he's a complete stranger that he's never met, but then relaxes

"Ah, Hinata-kun, why did you do that… it's early." The way Komaeda flexes his back and yawns to get his point through reminds Hinata of a huge fluffy kitten and that hair doesn't help. He feels a pang of guilt when he notices the bruises he had inflicted last night shining on the milky skin, but it quickly goes away when his neck aches where it was bitten too hard.

"Get off…" Hinata grumbles, because he's a grouchy douche in the mornings and that fact cannot be changed just because he had amazing mind-blowing sex. "For someone so skinny you sure weight a lot and you snore." The brown haired man rubs his eyes and stifles a yawn. It was obvious that it was still early morning and that they hadn't slept much. His headache is a fucking bitch and he thinks that if he is to stand up he will throw up all over Komaeda's pristine white carpet. His ass sticks to the leather of the sofa and he peels himself away with a wince.

The white haired idiot sure makes a lot of pretty promises but when it comes to keeping them…

Komaeda keeps his weight on his elbow now and looks at Hinata with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, did that wake you up? I'm sorry that someone like me woke you up with ugly snoring, I—"

Hinata just cuts him off before he can start. He fixes Komaeda with a glare and points one finger into his face. "You. Drool. This is what woke me up."

The taller one opens his mouth again but Hinata is already working on slowly getting up without vomiting all over the place. He spots his boxers on the floor near the sofa and he is quick to reach for them and slip them on. He ignores Komaeda's disappointed look when he gets up and reaches for his black shirt. Kuzuryuu is going to kill him if he shows up all ruffled.

The nausea is overwhelming and he wants to ask the man of the house where the bathroom is so that he can have access to the porcelain toilet bowl when he inevitably doubles over, but Komaeda's thin fingers wrap tightly around his wrist and the nausea goes away, replaced by something else. He looks down confused and Komaeda smiles as if he knows, no words needed. He watches that white complexion contrasting nicely against the creamy surface of the sofa, those eyes shine dark forest green and Hinata feels his cheeks flushing. He pointedly refuses to look anywhere else but Komaeda's face, doesn't want to seem obscene and ogle that naked body, while the man tugs at his wrist trying to make Hinata sit besides him and Hinata gives in.

Suddenly they are face to face and Hinata can't find it in himself to brush him off, when Komaeda is so beautiful in the morning's glow and his touch is so tender and the press of his cool lips is so nice and the small 'I love you, Hinata-kun' sounds so pure and it scares Hinata shitless, yet he does not run away.

They lie on the sofa together until inevitable comes and Hinata has to run all the way into the bathroom before emptying his stomach. He keeps throwing up while Komaeda rubs soothing circles on his back and makes sure he drinks enough water.

It's an unspoken deal when Komaeda drives him home and pecks him on the lips before Hinata leaves that this isn't the last time they see each other.

* * *

No one says anything when Hinata goes to work that night.

Kuzuryuu looks disgusted and doesn't really approach him, his voice is colder than usual, Ibuki acts indifferent as if she did not see but Hinata catches her staring with some sort of pitying look – was she even capable to look like that? - in her eyes. Souda looks a bit uncomfortable whenever they talk and his usual daily essay about Sonia Nevermind's greatness isn't as enthusiastic as usual. He tenderly asks if Hinata has seen Nanami lately but the response is negative and they no longer talk about it when the brown haired man gets irritated at the mention of the pink haired woman, still a bit bitter, so Souda lets it go completely.

Komaeda is nowhere to be seen that night and Hinata doesn't really miss his presence and doesn't feel like he should. Something in his gut tells him that this isn't the end of it and he's not wrong when Komaeda shows up one week later at the same time and usual spot. He acts like nothing happened and Hinata tries to ignore him like usual but fails. They sometimes converse when the bar isn't that crowded and Hinata laughs at Komaeda's stories. They ease out into this comfortable relationship, and Hinata finds himself at ease. Komaeda is a good guy he thinks, a fun one to be around and even though he still had those creepy episodes. His laugh is beautiful, his body language is really animated and after Hinata started talking to him more openly and less forced he became happier too.

On the third day Komaeda finally asks for Hinata's phone number and Hinata gives it away without a second thought, ignoring the stares Souda and Ibuki shot his way.

Lately, all of them looked at Hinata as if they felt sorry for him, thinking that he was stupid for playing with fire - though a snake would be more accurate in this situation, and that he was going to get bitten. Hinata finally realized that he had not cared at all about what others thought and he felt like he finally understood Komaeda's determination. As long as you're happy or having a good time it doesn't matter what others think.

When Komaeda is not there, Hinata's phone buzzes in his back pocket with missed messages that he replies to when Kuzuryuu isn't glaring daggers at him. They chat about everything and nothing at the same time and make plans to go out. At first Hinata refuses those kinds of offers, still a bit wary, but then he sees Komaeda's pleading look and begrudgingly gives in. His co-workers say nothing when Komaeda comes up to the bar and asks Hinata if he's ready to go after his shift ends on a busy Friday even though it is already close to 2 am. Ibuki stares him down when he leaves with the taller man and they spend the night miles and miles away from their hometown, watching he sun rise above the sea. Komaeda holds his hand and Hinata watches their feet sink into the sand with every tiny wave that washes over them. The water is cool, the wind is strong, but it feels good. He splashes Komaeda and gets chased down the empty beach, heels digging into the wet sand and leaving footprints behind.

They are touchy-feely that morning and Hinata sleeps with Komaeda for the second time and it is even better than the first.

He skips work for one day.

When he cleans and then mops the dusty floor, Kuzuryuu's punishment for skipping out to hang out with the 'albino fucker' even though Hinata tried to lie and say that he was feeling sick, Souda approaches him, reluctantly claps his back and congratulates him on his relationship. Hinata doesn't say anything back, doesn't come up with any excuses because he knows that Souda won't buy it.

They let go of it completely and keep on ignoring the unwanted white haired presence whenever it occupies a barstool in Hope's bar.

Hinata watches his smile and realizes that Souda is right and that he had unknowingly started dating Komaeda Nagito. They are dating and it isn't awful.

They are dating and it doesn't feel right.

* * *

Komaeda is a nice guy is what Hinata likes to think. He's someone the girls consider eye candy and would like to date him. Komaeda is polite, friendly, charming, truly the definition of a gentleman. He doesn't smoke and he's not an alcoholic, as a matter of fact the only type of alcohol he appreciates is most likely red wine, or so Hinata concluded after three weeks of being together. Komaeda is not the type of person who would cheat on you with anyone else and devotes yourself to you completely.

After three weeks Hinata can confirm that that makes Komaeda Nagito is fucking insane and that his co-workers weren't wrong about him, because all that Komaeda is it's a beautiful lie and manipulation wrapped around a rotten inside. And Hinata… well he still, most likely, _loves_ him nonetheless. Even if the guy sometimes creeps him out to an extent where he feels like staying home and not going anywhere but that thing is no longer an option, because, sadly, the man knows where he lives.

The white haired man is a possessive bastard who comes with jealousy, abandonment issues and something psychologically traumatizing to complete the whole pack.

When Hinata finds out about Komaeda's family he thinks that there's no way human can grow without any issues in that kind of environment. They spend most of the nights of the first week of their relationship in Komaeda's apartment, which is indeed a penthouse, just like Hinata suspected. The view to the city below is quite amazing and breathtaking and when Hinata exhales misty, warm fog against the glass he hopes that no one will decide to look at the windows even though it is impossible to clearly see anything he's still self-conscious. He leaves fingertip marks all over the chilly surface and Komaeda breathes into his ear slow, ragged and hot. Hinata is reluctant about messing the place up, but Komaeda reassures him that he doesn't really care about the place anyway and that if he feels like it he's allowed to do whatever he pleases. The window is soon dirtied by white and Komaeda all but picks him up and they settle on the sofa.

He opens up that night when Hinata tenderly asks about his family and the apartment. Komaeda is silent and the shorter one is sure that it was too soon and he had threaded a dangerous territory there, but then Komaeda tells him about how he was always pushed aside ever since he was five years old and that his parents never really cared, valuing his father's daughter from the first marriage far more.

When Komaeda was nine the said sister Junko had pushed him down a flight of stairs and Komaeda had hit his head and broke his leg. His parents didn't even come to visit him and Junko had made herself clear of any suspicion saying that Komaeda was mean to her and that he was the one who intended to push her so she had to defend herself. During his teenage years he had severe depression but once again he was abandoned and that was it, because the white haired man no longer wanted to give out any details, a vacant look in his eyes. Hinata felt like he was leaving out something vital, but didn't dare push the man any further because this was obviously a conversation he did not want to continue.

At least he knows why the taller one degrades himself so much, the negativity was … there was no other way to put it… sickening. Hinata himself was a negative guy, more paranoid than negative really, but Komaeda was just something else. Even this girl he had known in high school named Tsumiki wasn't that negative. He degraded himself to a level he thought that he was not important and clung to Hnata like he was a lifeline.

That clinginess made things worse. The concept of talking to other people with Komaeda around was to be forgotten completely, because the icy glares the man sent made shivers travel down his spine and if by any chance was he to get too friendly with Ibuki or Souda during work hours Komaeda himself would make sure that Hinata had a taste of the pent up anger later on. As great as sex with Komaeda was, the scratching and verbal abuse wasn't. The madness shone bright in those eyes and after a few days of utter surprise Hinata started fighting back. Insults flew back and forth until one of them backed down and by the end of it they ended up clinging to each other, everyone else forgotten. It was too damn easy to forgive Komaeda, Hinata had decided. The man looked like a kicked puppy, his lip trembled and the way he wrapped his arms around Hinata's waist while he muttered that no one else can have him and that he is sorry for acting the way he does was more than Hinata could resist. He couldn't resist the constant string of 'I love you's because _damn it_ he was falling for Komaeda too.

They also never fell into a habit of calling each other by their first names even though they were now officially together.

Hinata was sick of the text messages and missed calls during his work hours whenever Komaeda was away doing god knows what and not present in the bar, guarding him like a dog. If by any chance Hinata didn't reply to all of the fifteen texts, another fifteen would pile up about how Hinata did not care and how he didn't take their relationship seriously. He was a bit sick of reassuring Komaeda that he liked him and loved him every three minutes via suicidal text messages or angry calls that he made.

Eventually he would shut down the phone and bitch Komaeda out with Souda, but that fun was ruined whenever he left through the back door and found the white haired man waiting for him, eyes gleaming eerily in the dimmed orange light. They would banter again and it would always end up in angry sex of sorts that often involved wine being spilled, biting, back scratching and eventually tying up and there was cuddling involved afterwards.

He was glad that his friends did not know about that dirty secret that went by the name Komaeda Nagito, but that happiness was short lived when the presence of Sonia Nevermind graced their dull bar one evening. Immediately at least five men offered to buy her a drink and let her sit down. Souda jumped around excitedly at every whim she made and worked his best to make the most delicious of drinks when she asked them to come to a party held in her mansion next Friday. Kuzuryuu refused immediately and did not want to allow any of them off the hook because that wouldn't be fair, but Sonia was quick to activate her princess-like power of authority and the short man reluctantly agreed.

Normally Hinata would be more than glad to go, Sonia's parties were the best and he had made many great memories with his friends during them, but unfortunately right at Sonia's left side sat a very pissed looking Komaeda and glared at the woman as if she had somehow personally offended him. Knowing that this cannot possibly end well when the green eyes that were so much like Komaeda's, but way warmer and sunnier turned his way, sparkling with expectation Hinata hesitated. Twin pairs of eyes were drilling holes into him and Hinata was quick to relent to the '_say no, tell her no_' stare.

"I… I don't know, Sonia…" He started with a heavy heart and a familiar poisonous anger swelling inside his heart. Komaeda, Komaeda, Komeda it was always all about that guy. "You see, I already have something planned…"

She looked upset; her lip-gloss covered lips formed a small 'o'. "Oh, I see… what do you have planned, Hinata? You never skip out on these tiny celebrations we hold every once in a while."

Before he could answer it, Komaeda spoke up, voice cheerful but there was an underlying coldness to it. "Ah, I am sorry to interrupt your conversation, but Hinata-kun… He's with me."

Hinata was about to lunge for the taller man's throat and shake him or maybe punch him or tell him to shut up and stop acting like a selfish prick, while Sonia looked highly confused. She patted her chin with one perfectly manicured nail and her eyes lit up as she clapped her hands together. "I see! How about you join us, uhhh…" She tilted her head to the side all cutesy and politely like a true princess.

Souda looked like he was being buried alive and he shook his head frantically, trying to silence the woman, but she did not notice, her full attention on the stranger beside her, fingers interlaced.

"Komaeda." The tall man just offered unenthusiastically, eyes still fixed on Hinata's own. Souda looked like he was about to bash Komaeda's head against the bar top for treating his lovely Sonia like that, but before he could insult the taller one and an unavoidable fight broke out, Sonia interjected. "Komaeda-san, would you like to accompany Hinata and join our party? You're more than welcome!"

"I don't think this is a good idea, Sonia, we probably shouldn't—"but before he could finish that sentence, Komaeda spoke up, the sliest, fakest grin plastered on his face.

"It would be our pleasure, Sonia-san!" the voice was dripping pretend enthusiasm just like poison and Hinata hoped that Sonia won't be so naïve and fall for Komaeda's obvious manipulation skills. "Hinata-kun and I will make sure to be there and we won't be late."

"Splendid!" the foreigner girl clapped her hands together and her smile was so bright it was almost blinding and Hinata resisted the urge to tell the woman that she was being wrapped around the asshole's pinky finger, but held himself back. She just opened her purse and roamed her hand it but didn't find what she was looking for, a worried look on her face. "I cannot seem to find my wallet, Souda can you please—"

She didn't have to end the sentence when the man bowed like some sort of butler, and beamed. "Of course, I will gladly pay for your drinks."

"I'll pay you back, I really did forget my wallet, silly me…" she shot up from her stool and zipped her designer purse that probably cost more than Hinata's pay check. "I'm sorry! I guess I will see all of you during the party."

With that she was quick to leave and Souda was humming happily, fishing out his wallet from his back pocket.

Hinata was still shocked by outcome of the things when he heard Komaeda's audible snort over the background noise. He glared at the man who was looking at the stool the blonde woman just occupied, swirling his usual drink inside of the glass, the sly smile still plastered on his face. "I like her." He laughs in a mischievous way and sips on the dark red liquid. "She had her wallet all along…"

Hinata absolutely refuses to believe that Sonia would do something as cruel as drag Souda around on a leash and make him take care of her expenses when she probably had enough money to buy a small country in Europe. Hinata figures that this is another pitiful attempt of Komaeda trying to get off the hook so he huffs and places his palms on his lips, a storm brewing in his body. "Don't make shit like that up! Anyways, what the fuck is up with that, not only do you find immense joy in regulating _my life_ you're now going to try and butt in too? Who the hell do you think you are!?"

Komaeda's smile is gone as if wind has blown it away and his face turns blank when he all but fixes Hinata with an indifferent gaze and sets his glass down on the dark brown bar top, face menacing in the dim red light.

"Hinata-kun, we need to talk after you're done with your shift."

It's the words he dreads the most.

They fight again that night, but Komaeda still gets his way and goes to Sonia's party.

* * *

He doesn't know what is worse, the way they came out as a couple to all of Hinata's friends, the fact that despite Komaeda being a pretentious dick people still liked him or the fact that Nanami… Well about her a bit later, the truth is that Hinata just doesn't know what to do anymore. Komaeda plays the world's greatest gentleman and not even Souda who eyes him like he's a piece of shit stuck on the back of his boot can ruin that act. Komaeda is composed, well mannered and he even charms Mahiro Koizumi who trusts men about as much as she trusts snakes and that is a very huge accomplishment.

It is then that Hinata realizes that Komaeda manipulates people as if it was his profession and it was almost impossible to tell the honesty and the lies apart if you did not know him for a longer period of time.

It's good that he gets along with mostly everyone, so it could be worse. When Hinata starts to think that _maybe_ this isn't _so bad_ despite Nanami's pointed stare and her not talking to him at all, but then Sonia's annual party games begin and Hinata's night goes from semi decent to worse.

He ends up wearing one of the maid outfits that Sonia's servants wear and he has never felt so degraded in his whole life when Saionji tells him what a pretty woman he makes. He curses Souda in his mind because it is his fault and the fact that the number on Sonia's chopstick is way too similar to his. Then again the magenta haired man looks like he is ready to burst a vein from laughing and then bleaching his eyes out for good measure. It doesn't help that Koizumi keeps snapping photos of him. It helps that all of them are drunk as hell except Hinata who stays away from alcohol or pretends to drink it.

The game keeps going and he watches Gundam try to make his best...chicken? impression, ignores Komaeda's heated gaze and the way he keeps inching closer, his pale face unnaturally red. He plays with one of Gundam's hamster as it tries to chew at the white ribbon of his maid uniform, god why can't he change yet, when Komaeda is suddenly in his breathing space and his tongue is hot on the shell of his ear. Hinata pushes him away with enough force to send him sprawled on the floor and prays that no one saw it, and he's in luck because no one did. Hinata gets up from the floor, shakes away a tipsy Saionji who is whining that he cannot take off the pretty French maid outfit because the game is still not over. He ignores her and he walks down the many spacious corridors of Sonia's mansion in search for a calm place to change his clothes before Komaeda got it out of his pants and molested him in front of people who still do not know that they are together.

And he'd rather have it stay that way.

Of course if you wish for something good to happen the exact opposite thing happens. It is only the way how this world works. He finds a storage room that is as big as his own room to change his clothes at. It is not like it matters because he's not getting completely naked and it won't take long, but once he opens the door, he feels arms wrap around his waist and he doesn't need to look back to know who it is.

"I think I told you to keep it in your pants until tomorrow."

Komaeda brushes the tip of his nose over his shoulder and Hinata is involuntarily getting hot. "Everyone is busy with their little game; it will be a while before they notice that we are gone." Hinata knows that this is true but he doesn't say anything. "By the way, they are right… you look really good with this on. See? I can't keep my hands to myself!" As if to make his point one of those hands slip under that thing that is most definitely _not_ a skirt, because he has belts longer than that, and Hinata thinks fuck it, it's not like he can deny that he's not hard beneath the asshole's palm, only the thin material of his boxers in the way, but that too is soon out of the way and all Hinata can do is squeeze out. "You're sick. Just h-how many disgusting kinks do you have!?"

"A lot." Komaeda drawls out against his ear and bites. "And don't try to tell me that you do not enjoy this, Hinata-kun, because this." His thumb rubs over that sensitive spot on him and Hinata hates the guy for remembering every single detail that made him week in the knees. "Is telling another story. "

"You're a f-fucking asshole."

"Yet you're still here, Hinata-kun." The brown haired man shivers and he thinks that he's always hated the way his name rolls over the bastard's tongue like it was a piece of candy and he _knows_ that Komaeda knows that, that's why he keeps saying his name like this over and over again.

He didn't exactly imagine that Sonia's party would one day end up with him getting a blowjob in her supply closet, but fuck, this feels too good and he doesn't care because no one comes over to look for them for another ten minutes and Komaeda is just really fucking skilled with his tongue so Hinata lets him. He bangs his head painfully against the wall behind him and bites his lip to not scream out when Komaeda is quick to get on his knees, _what a fucking slut_, Hinata is quick to think and his hands are on his ass squeezing harshly and it feels fucking good.

Until the door opens up and fucking Sonia Nevermind is standing in the doorway, her face innocent as if she is not sure what she just saw. Hinata curses loudly and drags the poor excuse of a skirt low enough to hide Komaeda's fluffy white mane and they must look ridiculous as shit and he's dying from the embarrassment. They stand very still for a few painfully long seconds when there is a flash of a camera and Koizumi has all the evidence she needs. Saionji's scream is shrill in his ears when the little bitchy woman howls that 'the drug dealer is ravaging their French maid'.

It is absolutely the worst so he goes to his assigned room, ears burning red with shame and Komaeda doesn't look one bit embarrassed like the concept of it is completely non existent inside his head.

When the man later comes to the room and lies down beside him, Hinata pretends that he is asleep and hides behind a blanket, but it doesn't stop the taller one and in the morning they wake up wrapped around each other like vines.

* * *

Hinata is sure that Nanami's reaction is absolutely the worst. Hinata is also sure that Nanami is a catalyst to all of his troubles. He doesn't blame her, it is not her fault but he still can't help but think of his best friend like that.

In the morning Komaeda says that he's got everything covered and that no one will bother him about this and true to his word they do not. He's not sure what the white haired man had said and done, but the others ignore the fact that they had found Hinata Hajime in a maid uniform getting a blow job. In fact they seem okay with it. Well… all but one.

Komaeda looks like he is truly sorry about what he did last night and he even brings Hinata coffee in a sign of apology just like the one he drinks every morning and they are about to have a calm conversation when there is an audible banging on the door. Komaeda looks just as confused as Hinata does and when he opens the door, Hinata spills his coffee on the blanket.

There stands Nanami Chiaki with her usual dazed expression yet her eyes look serious and the downturn of her lips betrays that she is angry. The room feels like hell freezing over, the temperature drops and Komaeda glares at the intruder as if she had spit on his face.

"Is there something you need?" The white haired man's voice is sharp and icy, straight to the point, but the woman looks unaffected by it and stands her ground, meeting the hateful glare with a one of her own. She looks terrifying and Hinata would have never thought that the sweet girl he had known ever since forever could look that menacing with that short height.

"…..I am here to speak to Hinata." The pause is still there and she glances to him. Hinata places the coffee on the glass table and stands up. Komaeda ignores it.

"He's not feeling well. Come back later." It is said like an order, but Nanami doesn't even spare him a sideways glance.

"I don't think I was talking to _you_. "She says curtly, pushes past him and grabs Hinata's wrist, her eyes saying that no arguments were allowed. "….Worry not, I shall not place any magical vagina charms on him and I will return him safe, right after we talk. Alone." She looks over her shoulder and when Komaeda makes no move to leave she mutters a small 'well then' and drags the shorter man to the corridor.

Hinata feels like he has swallowed a tub of ice cream in one go when he sees Komaeda's facial expression. Never has he seen the other so angered and irritated, downright murderous looking and he swears he can hear 'bitch' being muttered Nanami's way when she closes the door behind them with an audible bang. Hinata is not sure that he will want to deal with whatever came afterwards, but Nanami all but shoves him against the wall when they are further away and stares at him.

There is an awkward pause, the man refusing to look at her and stewing in his own guilt before the pink haired woman speaks up. "….I knew that you were desperate to get a girlfriend but I have never would have thought that you were that desperate."

It sounds like an insult and he flinches back. "It's not that…"

"Then what is it? Why are you with him? Look, I am not trying to say that I am jealous, forget that one because that thing between us isn't something to mourn over, but I am worried…. I talked to Ibuki-chan and Souda-kun… They told me what he is like. They told me what is really happening."

Hinata felt anger rise. It was too early for this shit. "And what did they tell you, huh? That he fucking beats me or some shit? That he's a creepy stalker that won't let me talk to other without supervision? Did they say that he's some sort of _psychopath_ and that I am absolutely fucking insane just considering the possibility to—"

"First of all I would like you to stop shouting, because there is no need to get riled up like this. I didn't even finish my sentence." Her frown is deep and her voice is higher. "Second of all, yes, I heard some things, but no one thinks of him as some crazy psychopath who cannot tell love and obsession apart. True, he needs medical care and –"

"He is not a fucking psycho—" Hinata tries his best to keep his voice down, the sudden urge to protect Komaeda was too strong. What did they know about him? They knew nothing, but then again, did Hinata really know the man himself…?

"_Again_, I am not saying that. I just want to tell you that what the two of you have between you is the exact definition of an unhealthy relationship and that he needs to relent, because this is hurting both of you. I don't really care about him, well I do, because he's got lots of problems…but I care for you more. I truly do. You're my best friend, Hajime and I want you to be happy. I want us to be able to converse without someone giving you shit for it. "

She placed her palm on her chest and she looked so sincere – he could tell, because she didn't really use his first name - at that very moment that it took Hinata all he had it in him to not break down from all of the pent up frustration and hug his best friend senseless. There was a reason why they had stuck close together for so many years. She didn't wish anything bad to happen to him and his ….truly _unhealthy_ relationship. She wished all of the best for him and for that he was grateful. The woman was smart and had a level head.

"I thought that you would hate me…" he squeezed out and rubbed the tip of his nose so that the very random urge to just cry into the woman's shoulder would go away. You could almost see the question mark above her head as she tilted it to the side and blinked. "…huh? Why would I hate you? You're the one who refused to talk to me, and I guess now I know the reason. "Her eyes clouded and she crossed her hands across her chest.

"Just… forget it, it is nothing. Thanks, Chiaki… I am alright now."

"…. It's a pleasure to help. Are you sure you're feeling well though? You look a bit pale." She leaned in close and inspected his face more closely. Hinata couldn't stop shivering when Nanami's words finally sank into the back of his head.

His relationship, this _thing_ between him and Komaeda was truly twisted and he had barely noticed. He tried to overlook the obvious pointers that this is not okay from the bombarding with text messages to the possessive behaviour, to…. To the murderous looks he gave his best friend just because she wanted to talk to him in private. Either something or rather someone had to change or this should just…. End.

"Yeah. I just realized some things. Thanks for that… Again."

She looked like she had fully understood it and did not question it any further. "…I hope you will find the resolve to talk to him about this. Don't let him throw you off; it is what people like him are good at. Keep calm and everything will work out." She patted his shoulder tenderly and fixed the straps of her backpack. "Now that that's settled I will take my leave. It was nice finally talking to you and I hope to see you soon, Hinata-kun. My door's always open if you're up for some video games." She smiled at that and Hinata smiled back, knowing that this was the woman's best offer. He said his goodbyes and watched her pad away and disappear behind the corner of a royal like hallway.

Without much thought Hinata took off back to the room where Komaeda waited for him, more than ready to talk to the taller one and settle things between them.

* * *

The scary thing about Komaeda was that when he got seriously annoyed instead of raging and more than willing to smash stuff like Hinata he was eerily calm. The smiles that he sent Hinata's way were toxic, wavering. Much to his surprise this time Komaeda wasn't head first into the details, didn't attack him with obnoxious questions, didn't cling to him, didn't cause any kind of scene. In fact he was more serene than it was normal, only things betraying that things were indeed, not okay were his eyes and the painful upturn of those pale lips. Hinata swore that he had heard Komaeda mutter under his breath something along the lines of 'the bitch thinks she can do what she wants' and 'she should just die already'.

'Minus ten points for you, asshole.' Hinata just thinks bitterly, his anger piling up, waiting to get unleashed. They left Sonia's mansion at record speed without saying goodbye to anyone.

The car ride was quiet and Hinata kept shooting secret glances the driver's way only to see that his eyes were stormy, reflecting Hinata's own. He couldn't wait to get home and before the car could stop completely Hinata was already quick to get out, tapping his foot impatiently on the sidewalk. The taller man joined him in a second and this would normally be the part where they would either kiss or say their goodbyes or the part where Hinata would invite him inside but neither came. With one last sigh, the brunet gathered all of the courage he could get, closed his eyes and spoke up, running a hand through his messy hair.

"You know, I…" there were numbers of things he wanted to say. I don't think this is going to work out. This is not working out; you're ruining everything, why are you so fucked up. Why is this so hard to say? Why does it hurt to say it in the first place? Why can't you see? "I think we need some time apart. "He finished lamely and did not dare to look at the other's face. He did not know what he expected, tears, usual clinginess, shouting, maybe anger. Maybe a punch thrown his way.

However none of that came. He reluctantly looked at Komaeda's face only to find it blank, void of any kind of emotion. The heavy silence kept stretching, until the words finally sank in like knives into the flesh.

"I knew it." Is all he said, voice just as dead.

"I… you did?" the shorter one wasn't willing to believe this was going so smoothly. Nothing went smoothly with Komaeda.

And indeed it didn't. Those dead eyes looked at him and the taller one's fists clenched tightly. "What did she tell you? What did she say to you?"

"I—"

"She made you do this, right? It is all her fault, right, Hinata? It is always her and her." Komaeda's voice was getting louder with the second, his body shaking all over. A smile that was so, so out of place tugged at his lips and a mirthless laugh escaped him as Komaeda brought his hands to his face staring at them intently. They were trembling.

"I don't understand, what are you—"

"It's always someone else, it is always _you_. Then again what should I expect in return from a human such as yourself when I am nothing but trash undeserving of your attention, of your love. You'd rather give it to someone who is your equal, right? Someone who treads the same ground as you even though she's a filthy nobody who just happens to shine more brightly than the worms like myself on the ground and attracts more attention—"

"Stop."

"I understand why you would choose someone like her! I really do, b-but— but she's too undeserving of you, Hinata-kun, she doesn't understand you like I do. Even though I am not worth anything you give to me, I value it far more than that trash does. It's me that you need, _me alone_ not some _nobody_. You need someone who can stay by your side someone who can love you unconditionally." The insanity, the darkness in those eyes was captivating and he couldn't escape. Komaeda was quick to move close and seize his wrists in his cool grip hard enough to leave bruises. Hinata struggled weakly to test it, but it just grasped tighter.

"No, it has nothing to do with her. I am doing this for myself, let go."

"I was there when you needed someone, Hinata-kun, I was there to keep you steady, and yet… Yet you still choose her over me."

"Let go."

"Don't disappoint me; please don't disappoint me like you did today. Even though I am nothing you still love me, you still feel it." The anger was soon replaced by desperation and gradually sadness and Hinata had to forcefully wrench his arms away even though that had proven to be a quite difficult thing to do since the two of them were equal in strength.

"Komaeda, shut up." He hisses and the other makes a strangled noise between a sob and a hack and keeps his mouth shut. "I am going to tell you this once so you better fucking listen and listen to me well. And don't interrupt me. This has nothing to do with Chiaki, and no, don't fucking look at me like that, because it is the _truth_. She's my friend; a concept that I have seemed to have forgotten after I _surprise surprise_ started seeing _you_. I can't spend three minutes without feeling like you own me; I can't say a word to my friends. If I had wanted someone to control every single thing in my life I would still be living with my parents, but as I can see that concept eludes you." He doesn't mean to sound so harsh, Komaeda looks like he's about to die, but the anger he has kept inside for a month is finally overflowing. "And I may love you, as fucked up as you are, I _still_ fell in love with you somewhere along the line and I was willing to not notice but… I am not sure if anyone's told you this before, maybe they didn't because you fucking scare them away before they get a chance, but you got some _serious issues_ and you should see a specialist. I am not saying this just for the sake of being a complete dick, but from the goodness of my _heart_. I just fucking can't deal with your issues, you have to deal with them yourself and not push them onto my shoulders by ruining it for me. I tried to help you, Komaeda, I really did, but you just push me away. Get your shit together, and when you do maybe then we can work around this. But for now… we need to go our separate ways and it would be better if we did not see each other for a while."

Hinata is breathing heavily, his chest weighed down yet light at the same time, like a burden had been taken from his shoulders. He feels content with himself until he notices the look Komaeda is giving him. The man's jaw is slack and those eyes look so hurt, so betrayed, so damn _broken_ like Hinata just ripped his heart out, pulsing and alive, squeezed it and then threw it on the ground only to stomp on it and he might have as well done just that because the taller one is sure it would sting less.

The white haired man breathes slow and ragged and bites back the sadness that was ready to choke him.

"You have no idea just how much I adore you. It's wrong and disgusting but it is honest. "He places his hand on his chest and squeezes right where his heart beats, so hard his knuckles are white. "It's pure and I am not selfish."

Hinata feels his jaw drop at that. Just how much of his speech had gotten through that thick head of his? He laughs incredulously at that. "You're such a comfortable liar, aren't you? Saying that you're not selfish… I've never seen anyone more possessive than you. But sure. Keep thinking that, it is none of my business anymore."

It is enough to say that one phrase and the hell breaks loose. The taller one loses his usual dignity and he pleads and begs and Hinata tries very hard not to think about the angry looks the passerby's send their way as his face heats with shame.

"Hi-Hinata-kun, come on! Don't… don't say that. Just say a word and I'll try to make things right, I'll do anything just—just _please _don't walk out on me. I've never loved anyone like this." The taller one looks close to tears and he's almost hyperventilating, pupils dilated. "I'll die; I am going to die without you! I need you t-too much."

Hinata sees that Komaeda is taking drastic measures to make his say, he's resorting to new things and what hurts the brunet the most is that he's not willing to let go as the white haired man keeps trying to talk himself into believing that this cannot be happening and this fragile thing they have between them has finally broken. Hinata pities him, he really does, but he tries not to get swayed by it, Chiaki's words clear inside his head.

_This is what they are good at. This is Komaeda's specialty. Lying and not saying the truth. _

_He is such a comfortable liar._

"Stop. Stop, Komaeda, you're making a scene."

"I don't fucking care!" the look he sends him is scary and Hinata flinches back, but it is teary in seconds. "They can think what they wants, ordinary people. What do they know? You're better than the rest of them. They will never appreciate you like I do, I love you, I love you. So please don't walk away, Hinata-kun. My Hinata-kun, my Hajime—"

It hits like a lightning bolt from clear skies and Hinata pushes the man away, turns around and runs like a coward, because if he stays there then it is it. This is it and nothing will change. He makes distance between them and turns on his heel to shout:

"Don't you even dare to follow me. Just fuck off already!"

Komaeda lets his extended arm down and wraps his arms around himself and shakes like a leaf on unsteady legs but doesn't follow. Their eye contact breaks when the taller one looks down at his reflection on the distorted surface of a small puddle beside his black shoes. Hinata stares for a moment, thinks that this is it, he's finally broken the single person he's ever loved like this and start running again, hot angry tears threatening to spill from his face but they don't. He feels like a bird that has just flown out of its cage after being kept in it for so long, but just like a bird he also feels a certain longing to return to the master that showed kindness to it.

His legs pad harshly against the pavement and his breathing is ragged but he doesn't stop. He wants to go back, but he can't because he had to fuck it up to go back to his normal life and it is better for the two of them.

* * *

His friends are his anchor. He stays in Nanami's place for the next five days just in case Komaeda decides to look for him. His phone is shut down and his mood is shitty but the pink haired woman makes it better. They crash on the sofa together, eat copious amounts of junk food, play video games. Nanami tries to tell Hinata that Komaeda was a dick anyways and therefore undeserving, makes some bad jokes about it to ease the mood and they go back to their stack of TV shows. She goes to work at the game shop and Hinata calls Kuzuryuu and tells him that he won't be coming to job for another two weeks or so because he's sick. The apartment is small and girly, but it is nice. He lazes around all day doing nothing, it gets boring sure, but it is better than being alone. He cuddles Nanami's pet rabbit Usami and she develops a certain connection with him. Hinata runs his fingers through the soft white fur and tries not to think about how it reminds him of Komaeda.

He doesn't succeed.

Nanami comes home to the sight of Hinata sleeping with her bunny nestled on his face, stifles a laugh and shakes her friend awake for another round of video games.

Five days later Hinata finally gathers the courage - after a lot of pressure from Chiaki - to turn his phone on and check it. It's flooded with missed calls and text messages from his friends, but surprisingly none from Komaeda. He doesn't know if he is relieved or worried.

There's a single voicemail, but he deletes it without listening along with Komaeda's phone number. He can't delete it from his memory though.

He leaves the woman's place with an even heavier heart. His apartment is cold and uninviting, there's dust gathered on the table and Hinata thinks that maybe he needs to get a pet just like Nanami. He decides against it when he remembers that it is a huge responsibility and cleaning after it is a lot of work or so he thinks after all of the stories he's heard from Gundam. Not to mention Hinata heard that animals can die from loneliness.

He wonders if he can too.

* * *

Hinata is quick to change his mind and decides that he should go to work the next week. People treat him like they usually do, like nothing is changed and Hinata remembers that they don't know what happened. Nobody knows what happened between him and the white haired man. Kuzuryuu even looks happy when he sees that there is no pale hair sticking out anywhere and gives Hinata a longer break for no reason. He watches Mioda juggle the bottles and fill the glasses before her with without spilling a single drop. The small crowd gathered around the bar applauds her and she bows theatrically, thanking them for witnessing 'The Super Duper Amazing Ibuki Show'. She gets bigger tips than the rest of them that evening, but Hinata doesn't care, he keeps checking his phone out of habit. Nanami texts him a few times to make sure he's alright, but he doesn't bother to put much into his responses, settling for simple 'yeah' and 'ok's. Ibuki eyes his phone suspiciously and sniffs the air.

"Ibuki's nose may not be good, but I can smeeeeell distress coming from you! Also Ibuki fails to hear any buzzing of tons and tooons of missed messages. What's up, Hajime-chan? Where is your one-man weirdo exhibition?"

Before Hinata can open his mouth and say anything, Souda comes up to them and points somewhere behind his back. "Code Douchebag, target spotted right there."

Hinata freezes in his spot and feels weak in the knees, ready to throw up. His co-workers study his face closely and Souda holds him up in case his legs give out completely.

"Hajime-chan is all pale like the snow, is it because of mister weirdo over there?"

"Seriously man, you don't look so good." Souda shakes him a little and Hinata keeps looking at the space between them, honey hued eyes wide. "Is that guy giving you trouble? I can go and talk to him if you want." He says that, but the slight tremor in his voice betrays the fact that the magenta haired man wants nowhere near Komaeda's table.

Before Hinata can come up with any valid response, Ibuki brings Kuzuryuu into the mix and the short man fumes angrily. "What the fuck happened? " He looks over the crowd and he doesn't need to say more. "Oh. That retard. Why am I not surprised. If you want you can leave early today. "The three of them gape at their blond boss as if he had grown another head or started spewing fire. Kuzuryuu never let's people leave early unless the excuse is really fucking convincing. Ibuki even let's out a small 'wow'. The man just ignores them. "I can see that something went down and will I be wrong when I say that your sudden absence is all because of that guy?"

"I-"

"Don't fucking stutter like a little bitch. Yes or no?" Kuzuryuu stands straight as an arrow and he's fucking intimidating, don't ever let the kid-like features fool you.

"Yeah… It's not like—"

"Save your fucking life story for someone who cares, and that person sure as hell ain't me. You lied. Cleaning duty for the rest of the month. And now get your ass out of here before he swims all the way here looking for you. Settle whatever issues you got, I don't need anymore of the creepy vibe, got that? Good. Out of my sight." The short male all but pushes him through the door and into the other room where they keep their spare booze and leave their stuff for the night. With a sigh Hinata take of his apron and thinks that this is probably for the best.

Komaeda keeps showing up, but doesn't approach Hinata, just keeps staring him down from distance like Hinata is something that he cannot reach out to. It feels like it is back to the start with Hinata serving the drinks and trying to ignore Komaeda while the said man just sits and sips his wine. When their eyes meet there's a certain pang of guilt in his stomach and a longing clenches his heart but he waves those thoughts away. Back to strangers.

Hinata breaks a glass and cuts his palms up, small pieces of shards sticking in the reddened flesh, droplets of crimson oozing on the floor. Kuzuryuu kicks him out and instructs Ibuki to fix him up. When he emerges, the white haired man is gone.

Two weeks later Komaeda disappears completely and the bar just no longer feels the same.

* * *

A few more months pass. Weddings happen that Hinata reluctantly attends. Relationships and breakups, new friendships, new meetings. Kuzuryuu is a dad now and Hinata can't believe that he's stuck in the times he spent with Komaeda. Can't believe that he's stuck in the time where they went to the sea side and watched the sunrise together. He remembers the feeling of the wet sand covering his feet to ankles and the way the light reflects on the taller one's pale hair, the salty breeze, the laughter, the feeling of their fingers laced together. It's is like feeling homesick.

He misses him.

And a tiny part hopes that Komaeda misses him too.

* * *

Eventually Hinata decides to move on. What good will it do to stay in the past together with someone who you dated for barely a month. Koizumi wisely says that first love is etched into your mind forever. Hinata hopes that she is wrong.

When he turns twenty five, he quits his job at Kuzuryuu family's bar. Sonia throws a goodbye party that surprisingly everyone attends. Hinata thinks it is a bit stupid and unnecessary, it is not like he is moving away, he just got himself a job with a better pay and more decent work hours, but the blonde woman says that it is _absolutely necessary_ to say goodbye properly to his first normal job that they had worked so hard on to find. Ibuki cries into his shoulder and says that she is going to miss juggling whiskey bottles with him and even Kuzuryuu looks like he gives a damn. Well, half a damn at least, but that is a lot. The short man watches his son crawling around on Sonia's plush carpet while Ibuki plays with him and coos over how cute the little boy is. Hinata thinks that the kid is cute, when he is not crying. He is a perfect copy of his father, but his eyes are dark red just like his mother's. He has never come to like little children, but when he looks at the warmth in the short blonds' eyes he feels slight envy.

He leaves the party right before midnight.

Hinata thinks that compared to his experiences in the bar this job is boring, but as long as the pay is good he is willing to put up with any kinds of shit. This was his resolve when he had decided to work at the bar too. He has a hard time trying to regulate his sleeping hours and he is sometimes late because he needs to take the metro and his workplace is halfway across the city. Nanami suggests teaching him how to drive but he refuses. The one hour long rides are something that he enjoys when he plugs the earphones into his ears and listens to music.

Hinata is quick to climb the ladder of promotion. His boss Makoto Naegi is quick to take a liking for him and Hinata's eagerness to just do _something_, work, learn, watch others work. It doesn't take long until he's working with Miss Kirigiri, a kind yet strict woman who had taught him all of the basics and was his superior for a long while.

Hinata meets all kinds of people, develops even more friendships and he enjoys his work.

Despite everything when he comes back home tired and worn down after a day of intense work, typing and frantic fixing of his mistakes, falls down face first into his bed without bothering to take his shoes off he thinks that he's lonely. He misses Hope's bar, misses the atmosphere, and misses his friends. The apartment is just as quiet as it was a year ago and the year before that and it will stay that way.

Maybe he really does need a pet.

* * *

Months turn into years and the only things to remind of the time their group spend together are caught on Koizumi's film. When Hinata turns twenty six, Ibuki moves to America to make herself big. He sees her on the magazine covers and laughs to himself because he would have never thought that the klutzy girl who served drinks in the bar and sang in unfamiliar languages would ever reach such heights. Hinata decides that he is going to miss her.

He sees Souda finally accept the inevitable and move on, because Sonia will never favour him as much as she does Gundam. In order to mark this day, the punk cuts his hair short and dyes it black. They all make fun of him.

They watch together how Togami loses weight and starts enjoying the feeling of money. They guess it is a nice change. Ibuki disagrees when Koizumi sends her photos. She fusses that her Byakuya-chan is no longer round and fluffy. Kuzuryuu's kid grows more and more with every time Hinata sees him and he cannot believe it when the boy runs up to him on unsteady legs and clings to him, calls him Uncle Hajime, again, most likely Ibuki's influence.

Nanami too finds herself a worthy man who apparently doesn't bore her, a huge achievement. Hinata approves of him and he's glad that Chiaki has finally found herself letting go. She advises Hinata to do the same when the brown haired man comes again from another wedding.

He lies that he already did, but Chiaki knows better. They spend the night together on her couch and talk about the old times, but carefully avoid mentioning _him_.

Time keeps ticking by and Hinata can barely notice when spring turns into summer, summer into autumn, autumn into winter and so on. It's like the time sped up twice, yet at the same time it feels quite the opposite, like his days are dragging out. He's okay with the fact that he's going to spend the rest of his lifespan as a loner, but for some reason he cannot find it in himself to care that much.

Hinata is twenty seven years old, he has a cute little puppy that keeps him company back home, has a wonderful job, wonderful friends and it is enough.

He walks to the train station that morning and wraps his red scarf tighter around his neck. It is still far too cold for April and he cannot wait until the weather gets warmer, because he cannot stand this cold. The sky is far too blue, cloudless and vast, and the sun hurts his sleepless eyes a little, but it looks like it is going to be a nice day. People swarm around him, men and women alike, waiting for their trains. Hinata looks at the huge clock above his head and notices that his train is next. The mass of people around him gets thicker when the train screeches to a stop and he waits for the more obnoxious ones to get in so that he can follow them later, but in the end he never gets on that train. He tries to elbow past some guy right before him who just _wouldn't move_, when cool fingers wrap around his wrist and he stands still, too afraid to look behind and see who it is. It was not uncommon for people to get their things taken away and he's wary enough after he's seen a few of accidents like that happen right before his eyes. He sucks in a sharp breath when the person doesn't say anything and turns on his heel.

"Can I help you with some—"

The words die in the back of his throat and his jaw falls slack when he sees the familiar white mane of fluffy hair and a gentle smile. Hinata stands there as if lightning had struck him and he drinks the taller man's appearance. He looks different, his skin is no longer a deathly pale one, and it has a healthy tone to it. The man no longer looks like a rail, his shoulders are broad and Hinata can see that his torso is thicker, a long black coat wrapped tightly around it. The man before him exhales, the warm fog comes from his mouth and looks like he is about to laugh and Hinata cannot help himself, he must look into those eyes that he misses so, eyes that he's dreamt about so many times, eyes he has thought about like a love struck teenage girl. Green meet yellow and Hinata bites his lip when he sees that there is something lacking. They are no longer cold, there's no underlying sin, no darkness within them. The sparkle with happiness and tenderness, much like Sonia's do.

His lips move a few times and Hinata hears a voice that he swears is not his own breathe out. "K-Komaeda…"

Komaeda Nagito in flesh was standing in front of Hinata Hajime after almost four years of silence and Hinata feels like pinching himself because there is no way that this is real. The world around them disappears completely and Hinata doesn't care that his train is leaving him behind, doesn't care that he needs to get to work and that his next train is only going to arrive after an hour and a half. It is just the two of them in their own small world that they had created.

"Found you, Hinata-kun." Komaeda laughs good-naturedly and his voice is breathy, no underlying sinister tone to it, no lies no nothing. Komaeda smiles, they study each other's faces and he lets go of Hinata's wrist. "I thought it might be you. That hair is very hard to miss even in crowded places such as these. It's truly been a while."

Hinata feels that annoying hitch behind his eyes threatening to spill when Komaeda tilts his head to the side and he lets it. He knows that he's a grown-ass man, _an adult damn it_, and that there are people here, but he cries anyways, big fat tears burn his face and anger boils within him. He's so glad to see the taller one, so glad that he hadn't done anything to himself. He's so fucking glad that he won't have to listen to the news anymore just in case some flashy suicide happens. He's so glad he'd gladly punch Komaeda in the face for disappearing like that.

The taller one looks confused, lost, as if he is not sure why Hinata is crying and he looks like he's about to reach out and pat him, hug him but he struggles and keeps himself in control.

"W-Why are you crying, Hinata—"

"Don't you 'Hinata-kun' me! You! You just went away! Disappeared for four years, went God knows where— where were you anyways!? And now you come back and you just say I' it's been a while'!? Have you no shame, Komaeda?" He rubs his eyes furiously to stop the warm liquid but it keeps pouring like someone broke a pipe, runs down his face and drips to the pavement.

Komaeda is surprisingly patient with him; he waits for Hinata to calm down and doesn't say anything. He waits for the brunet's shaking to stop when he starts tenderly. "Isn't this what you wanted? You told me to go away, so I did. You cannot blame me for that, when you asked for it yourself." He reaches out with shaking fingers to take one of Hinata's hands, green eyes fixed on the honey hued ones in a silent question of '_may I?_'. Hinata lets him and he shivers when he feels that cool skin against his own. Komaeda's hands also changed, his fingers are no longer thin, they are more filled out and his palms aren't wet. "I… I thought about what you said back then." He winces as if it is physically painful to think about it and Hinata couldn't agree more. He's hated himself for what he said back then, berated himself time and time again for being so harsh with the taller one. He blamed his own immaturity, his inexperience to deal with these feelings. But now he knows, now he's an adult and he can say the things he wants without making it all fall apart.

He waits for Komaeda to calm himself, waits for the man to do something crazy, but he doesn't. He doesn't lace their fingers together, he doesn't cling to Hinata, in fact he's keeping distance and Hinata thinks that this person, this stranger before him is not _Komaeda_, not _his _Komaeda, not the brat he knew. He is someone else, a brand new person entirely and Hinata's heart swells, the weight of his shoulders is slowly going away, and boy, did he carry it for a long time now.

He's beautiful, Hinata thinks, even more so after all of this time. He's aged finely like that disgusting wine the white haired man likes to drink; he looks more mature, healthy. He still looks like he has seen some disturbing shit in his life, a bit worn and there are still small dark circles beneath his eyes, but everything else seems fine.

"I… I took your words to the heart, Hinata-kun. After some time I realized that I wasn't really… doing the right thing. Somewhere inside I knew that this was wrong, but I just couldn't stop." He trembles with fear, honest fear and not the random quivering that Hinata remembers. "…I moved out, left the city, went to see a specialist. I went through series of treatments, it was horrifying and it wasn't working as well as it was supposed to. It took me a long while to get where I am; it took me a long while to get better. And here I am. " Komaeda smiles and lets go of Hinata's hand and the smaller one smites down the urge to take it again. His heartbeat thunders in the back of his throat. "I… I guess it is good that I had met you, I just wanted to tell you that—" he scratches the back of his head and looks away in shame, not sure what to say after all of this time. "I guess I just wanted to say thank you for telling me to get myself together. I-I am fine now, and I guess I am doing well… I hope you're doing well too!" he flushes and awkwardly fidgets with the end of his plaid scarf, takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes. "It was nice meeting you here, Hinata-kun. I'm glad. I—I should probably get going…"

Hinata stares at the taller one in shock, total and complete shock, as if he had just grown another pale haired head and he cannot believe his own eyes when Komaeda actually turns away from him. Hinata goes on autopilot, grabs that thin wrist instead and forces the man around so that he can look at him.

Komaeda, this Komaeda is the end result of Hinata's fit all those years ago. He's fine, he's no longer insane, he knows the concept of personal space and he's…. willing to let Hinata go. He doesn't budge into his life; he didn't search for him, just for how long was he back in the city? So many questions flew in his head, an incoherent tornado of jumbled thoughts but Komaeda refused to look at him and whispered silently. "Please let go. Don't do this to me again. You wanted me to let go so this is what I am doing. After all I do everything Hinata-kun asks me to. "He laughs bitterly and gently peels the shorter one's fingers away.

It is Hinata who is left trembling this time.

"I just have one thing to ask. Be honest with yourself when you answer me. No lies or tricks. Did you really… did you really let go? Did you give up? Are you giving up?"

Seconds stretch between them and Hinata has to strain his ears to hear the answer. "No. No, I didn't. But I am doing it right now, because all is said and done, yeah?" he laughs again, but it lacks the humour, it sounds…. dead. "I respect you and your wishes, so I—"

"No." Hinata cuts in and squeezes his wrist tighter. "No, you're running away right now, because you don't want to hear me out. And I want you to hear me out. The Komaeda I know would ask me what I wanted and would throw himself away without a second thought, but this isn't the Komaeda I know, it is someone new, someone respectable. So hear me out."

The taller one still refuses to look up, but Hinata knows his full attention is on him so he continues, words flowing freely and without much thought. "I wanted different things too, but four years have passed and I think I had a lot of time to think this through. First of all I am proud. I am fucking glad you took this seriously and you are now in full control of your life."

"Thanks…" the flush on that skin is beautiful. Was it always that nice?

"Second of all, I am going to be honest here… I didn't let go, I didn't let go because I always hoped that maybe this… this will really happen and that you will come back and – and now you're here and you really changed, you—" Komaeda's eyes are wide and they sparkle with some sort of emotion that makes Hinata's cheeks flush and his stutter get worse. He has never seen that much love in anyone's eyes and he figures that you would have to be really fucking in love to look at a person like that. They are alive with it, there's hope, there's love and affection.

"You waited for me. " The voice does not tremble, it is said with conviction and Hinata stops mid rant at sound of it.

"I—"

"All this time you… you hoped. You hoped I would come back. And I came back…" it was as if pieces of the puzzle were being connected and the whole picture was visible. "Back then… you said that if I was different, if I changed I—I would get a second chance," His voice is hopeful and his cheeks are red.

"I g-guess I did say that…?"

Komaeda laughs, a laugh that makes Hinata's hear jump and he lines their foreheads together. They are breathing each other's air and Komaeda smiles. "Is this you telling me that I am getting a second chance?"

Hinata stays quiet for a moment as he thinks it through and looks up. "No. It is more like… I am not ready to make any assumptions just yet. This is more like a trial run. Things may never be the same, God, I hope they won't, but I think you understand what I mean. It's just that—"

Komaeda presses one finger against his lips. "You don't really need to finish that sentence, Hinata-kun. I understand. I am not going to pressure you into anything. I want… I want you to love me again. I want to earn the right for that second chance… I also want to…"

Hinata swears he's going to cry like a pansy again because this is a new Komaeda, he's someone else and he finally cares about himself. He voices out his wants, his needs and it is no longer just Hinata, it is now Hinata and Komaeda. Just like it is supposed to be. Just like it was supposed to be four years ago.

"Go on ahead." Hinata smiles back and it's pure, no longer a grimace that he had a tendency to keep wearing. Their lips touch and Hinata accepts it, the soft brush of them, and the warmth. It is electrifying and it makes him complete, like someone precious that was once stolen was now returned to him. Maybe they really do belong together. Maybe this is how it is supposed to be. He slings his arms around the other man - had he grown taller? – and brings him closer. It's sweet and innocent, and they stand like this until Hinata can't breathe anymore. The small crowd of high school students waiting for the next train around them 'ooh's and 'aah's and cheers. Some girls whip out their camera's and snap some pictures. Hinata feels like burying himself underneath the ground to avoid all of those stares and his face is red with shame.

"I'll make myself worthy, Hinata-kun." Komaeda promises and smiles brightly, lacing their fingers together. "Wait for me some more. We will take it easy."

"You better not be lying, Nagito." Hinata laughs and they make their way through the crowd all the while holding hands until they are out in the sun again and Hinata thinks that, indeed, he just loves when the sun reflects from those pale milky strands. The sudden gust of wind is strong and Komaeda almost gets his plaid scarf smacked against his face, almost running the mood. Hinata just laughs like today is the day for just that, stupid little things, warm feelings and skin contact.

"Don't underestimate the power of hope, Hajime. It brings you happy things, I always told you that."

The brown haired man thinks back and realizes it to be truth, probably one of the few honest things that Komaeda had told him. One of the few things he did not lie about.

He follows the man and thinks that, yes, he believes. And he has hope that things will work out between them and that Komaeda will be true to his promise.

Hinata skips work that day and gets a scolding from Kirigiri for not saying anything beforehand, but he is not down, because Komaeda is wrapped around him on the bed and for the first time in a very long time his apartment feels welcome and his life is complete.

* * *

END


End file.
